Secret Post #2: Asking the Parents
You can’t simply approach a man like Mr. Shirin and ask to marry his daughter, especially when he isn’t expecting it. He hates to be surprised, and this would definitely be quite a surprise.
Bella had been “prepping” her parents, namely her dad, with happy thoughts of me. The purpose of this was to hint/imply that I was a big part of her life and could maybe someday become a son-in-law. The idea is that he’ll know more about me and think that I’m a good thing for her.
Bella’s mom, sister and her came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t ask her parents if I could marry her, but tell them I’m going to propose. That way they (he) won’t get the opportunity to say no. “But Scott, aren’t you supoosed to ask them?” Yes, but not now. I will later when Mr. Shirin knows and likes me more and therefore will be more likely to say yes. Women are so clever…
I had a good opportunity to show Mr. Shirin that I’m the good guy I think I am. {:o) His 60th birthday party was a week before I wanted to ask him and Bella’s mom. It was a huge deal, with people flying in from all over the country and world. The whole thing was in Russian and there were skits the whole evening. I didn’t understand much of it, but Bella helped to translate when she could. I also offered to bring my camera and take pictures. Mr. Shirin liked that I had offered. And the evening went off without a hitch. Apparently lots of people were saying how “nice” and “respectable” I was. And Mr. Shirin was very appreciative of the help I had given setting up, cleaning up afterwards, and of course taking pictures. So score major points for Scott. Woot woot! I don’t think it could’ve gone better. {:o)
My plan was to ask Bella’s parents on Memorial day in the afternoon/morning because Bella was working that day and wouldn’t be there.
I called Bella’s house. Her Dad answers. I asked to come by on Monday and drop off the pictures from his Birthday. “Sure, come by in the evening.” Um, could I come by in the afternoon perhaps? There’s something I’d like to speak to you and Bella’s mom about. “Uh, sure.” Ok, he knows for sure what’s up. When you ask a father that question and you’re dating his daughter, there’s only one way to take that. Good. He won’t be surprised.
(Bella told me about the following later on…)
He approached her and asked what I would want to talk to him. He said that it better not be about marriage. Dammit. The general gist of the conversation was that he didn’t object to me (which meant a lot sine I wasn’t Jewish), but he didn’t want her to be dependent on me. That’s logical. His biggest thing was that he wanted her to be self supportive and that means two things: a diploma and a job. And from his point of view, getting engaged means getting married in 3 months. Bella explained to him that her and I have talked about it and we wouldn’t get married anytime soon. It’d be in terms of years, not months. That made him fell better. So I guess that’s the green light for me, eh?
That didn’t help me out too much. I was still hella nervous about talking to them. I wrote out what I was going to say and memorized it. I read it over and over and over. I knew they weren’t going to say no, but it was still a big deal for me. Bella gave me some tips – tell him what he wants to hear – basically reiterating that we’re not going to jump into this and won’t get married for a few years.
When I got to their house, Bella’s parents had been doing some gardening in the back. I gave them the photos and they looked for them for a few minutes. And then I went into it… Bella’s mom told Bella that my hands were shaking. I guess they could’ve been. Like I said – hella nervous.
And in the end, they agreed that it was ok for me to propose to Bella. He wanted me to understand his “diploma and job” requirement, and I said it makes sense and I was ok with it. I showed them the ring (which they liked) and told them how I was going to do it.
{:o)
Phew! Almost there…
Bella had been “prepping” her parents, namely her dad, with happy thoughts of me. The purpose of this was to hint/imply that I was a big part of her life and could maybe someday become a son-in-law. The idea is that he’ll know more about me and think that I’m a good thing for her.
Bella’s mom, sister and her came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t ask her parents if I could marry her, but tell them I’m going to propose. That way they (he) won’t get the opportunity to say no. “But Scott, aren’t you supoosed to ask them?” Yes, but not now. I will later when Mr. Shirin knows and likes me more and therefore will be more likely to say yes. Women are so clever…
I had a good opportunity to show Mr. Shirin that I’m the good guy I think I am. {:o) His 60th birthday party was a week before I wanted to ask him and Bella’s mom. It was a huge deal, with people flying in from all over the country and world. The whole thing was in Russian and there were skits the whole evening. I didn’t understand much of it, but Bella helped to translate when she could. I also offered to bring my camera and take pictures. Mr. Shirin liked that I had offered. And the evening went off without a hitch. Apparently lots of people were saying how “nice” and “respectable” I was. And Mr. Shirin was very appreciative of the help I had given setting up, cleaning up afterwards, and of course taking pictures. So score major points for Scott. Woot woot! I don’t think it could’ve gone better. {:o)
My plan was to ask Bella’s parents on Memorial day in the afternoon/morning because Bella was working that day and wouldn’t be there.
I called Bella’s house. Her Dad answers. I asked to come by on Monday and drop off the pictures from his Birthday. “Sure, come by in the evening.” Um, could I come by in the afternoon perhaps? There’s something I’d like to speak to you and Bella’s mom about. “Uh, sure.” Ok, he knows for sure what’s up. When you ask a father that question and you’re dating his daughter, there’s only one way to take that. Good. He won’t be surprised.
(Bella told me about the following later on…)
He approached her and asked what I would want to talk to him. He said that it better not be about marriage. Dammit. The general gist of the conversation was that he didn’t object to me (which meant a lot sine I wasn’t Jewish), but he didn’t want her to be dependent on me. That’s logical. His biggest thing was that he wanted her to be self supportive and that means two things: a diploma and a job. And from his point of view, getting engaged means getting married in 3 months. Bella explained to him that her and I have talked about it and we wouldn’t get married anytime soon. It’d be in terms of years, not months. That made him fell better. So I guess that’s the green light for me, eh?
That didn’t help me out too much. I was still hella nervous about talking to them. I wrote out what I was going to say and memorized it. I read it over and over and over. I knew they weren’t going to say no, but it was still a big deal for me. Bella gave me some tips – tell him what he wants to hear – basically reiterating that we’re not going to jump into this and won’t get married for a few years.
When I got to their house, Bella’s parents had been doing some gardening in the back. I gave them the photos and they looked for them for a few minutes. And then I went into it… Bella’s mom told Bella that my hands were shaking. I guess they could’ve been. Like I said – hella nervous.
And in the end, they agreed that it was ok for me to propose to Bella. He wanted me to understand his “diploma and job” requirement, and I said it makes sense and I was ok with it. I showed them the ring (which they liked) and told them how I was going to do it.
{:o)
Phew! Almost there…
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